40 Days with God – Being There

How does it feel to reach a destination, to finally experience the thing one has been intensely waiting for all along?

Wonder, Fear and Gratitude.

We reached our hotel in Makkah at 5 am in the morning. What a feeling of wonder it is to be present in a new city, in a new world that is outside your daily world of existence; a place you have only read about but never been. The bus dropped us in front of our hotel and all along that street we could make out neon lights of more hotels. In front of each hotel on the pavement were piled up loads of luggage emptied by busses ferrying the pilgrims from Jeddah. Ours we were told will reach our room. There was the natural tendency to worry that something may get lost, that someone on the street will run away with our bag. Our tour manager reassured us that the hotel staff will take care.

I recalled what our trainer at a Transformation workshop I had attended earlier that year had said, “When you have 100% faith, you have 0% worry,” and realized how difficult that is in practice, especially when your possessions are at stake.

The Masjid-al-Haram inside which the Kaaba is situated is only 200 meters down the road we are told. You are in your hotel room with only a rocky mountain and some dilapidated buildings visible from the lone window, but to realize you are so near to your object of reverence puts the entire being into a sense of high alert. The test of patience and endurance continues – there are only 3 lifts to ferry 220 tired people over 13 floors, but you are automatically mindful of your every action. God somehow is more nearer than ever.

We did not want to do our first ever darshan (one call always write ‘sighting’ in English, but certain words in certain languages imply a connotation, express a feeling so close to the experience that no other word in any other language describes it better) of Kaaba in the exhausted state we were in so we decided to have some sleep, refresh ourselves and then visit the holiest of all mosques in Islam.

At 10:00 in the morning we are ready. How does a groom feel on the wedding day? A deep desire that nothing goes wrong for this only ever event of his life. There are great blessings to be derived from the first ever sighting of the Kaaba and thus in every training program before embarking on the pilgrimage we were given detailed instructions on how to enter the mosque, how to look at Kaaba for the first time, which duas (prayers) to recite etc. I picked up the book where I had written down all these things and did one more revision. It was time to fulfill the cherished dream.

The Masjid-al-Haram (haram in Arabic means ‘sanctuary’ or ‘holy site’) covers an area of 356,000 sq meters and can accommodate around 900,000 worshippers at any given time. Currently it has 96 gates (expansion work is in progress.) At the centre of this mosque, in an open courtyard (called the ‘mataf’) is the Kaaba – the cuboid shaped structure which all Muslims – irrespective of their sects, creeds and other beliefs turn towards when offering namaaz. Built by Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) and his son Ismail (Ishmael) in 2130 BC and later consecrated by Prophet Muhammed in 630 AD the Kaaba is the most revered structure in Islam not just because of its religious and historical significance but also in its message of unifying all Muslims in the worship of a single God.

The risk in following process very diligently is that you can miss out on the feeling. We entered Masjid-al-Haram from Gate No 1. The process said that as you enter the mosque you should keep your eyes lowered in respect till you come to the center from where you can see the Kaaba. Then slowly you should raise your eyes reciting your most cherished prayers because it is ordained that whatever you wish from the moment you lay your eyes the Kaaba for the first time till the time you blink again will be fulfilled.

The huge mosque is half empty at that time in the morning. As we enter with our eyes lowered we do not know how far the centre is. After walking about 100 meters we look up with a natural curiosity, see the Kaaba partially then look down again quickly because we are still some distance away from the centre which we now see is to be approached through a flight of stairs leading down.

Have I messed up my first ever sighting of this holy structure? Have I missed this rare opportunity in my life to fulfill all my cherished wishes?

The fear almost leads to panic. We finally reach the stairs, take the few steps down and right in front of us, in all its silent splendor is the magnificent stone structure draped in a dark black cloth (called the kiswa) with verses from the Holy Quran inscribed in gold letterings near the top.

I try to remember my choicest wishes, all the prescribed duas which I had repeated so many times and learnt by rote, but in that moment of infinite reverence I can’t recall any of them. I just stand there inundated with a huge sense of gratitude, of unlimited thankfulness to the Almighty for having brought me here, for showing me what I was seeing.

And then the tears flow effortlessly and naturally. And you don’t pray for anything else except for forgiveness. Because you realize that there is nothing you have ever done in life, nothing you could have ever done in life that would have ‘earned’ you this great fortune of being at this place. That you are here not on your merit but because of the sheer benevolence of someone who has the great mercy to forgive you and grant you this ultimate privilege.

And despite the harsh afternoon sun on your uncovered head, despite the heat and the exhaustion you just sit there sobbing your heart in your open palms oblivious of anything around you.

There is no greater relief than crying to your heart’s content.

[Next week we will try to understand ‘how’ a cycle of gratitude and forgiveness can lead to purification and lightness of being]