40 Days with God – Being There

How does it feel to reach a destination, to finally experience the thing one has been intensely waiting for all along?

Wonder, Fear and Gratitude.

We reached our hotel in Makkah at 5 am in the morning. What a feeling of wonder it is to be present in a new city, in a new world that is outside your daily world of existence; a place you have only read about but never been. The bus dropped us in front of our hotel and all along that street we could make out neon lights of more hotels. In front of each hotel on the pavement were piled up loads of luggage emptied by busses ferrying the pilgrims from Jeddah. Ours we were told will reach our room. There was the natural tendency to worry that something may get lost, that someone on the street will run away with our bag. Our tour manager reassured us that the hotel staff will take care.

I recalled what our trainer at a Transformation workshop I had attended earlier that year had said, “When you have 100% faith, you have 0% worry,” and realized how difficult that is in practice, especially when your possessions are at stake.

The Masjid-al-Haram inside which the Kaaba is situated is only 200 meters down the road we are told. You are in your hotel room with only a rocky mountain and some dilapidated buildings visible from the lone window, but to realize you are so near to your object of reverence puts the entire being into a sense of high alert. The test of patience and endurance continues – there are only 3 lifts to ferry 220 tired people over 13 floors, but you are automatically mindful of your every action. God somehow is more nearer than ever.

We did not want to do our first ever darshan (one call always write ‘sighting’ in English, but certain words in certain languages imply a connotation, express a feeling so close to the experience that no other word in any other language describes it better) of Kaaba in the exhausted state we were in so we decided to have some sleep, refresh ourselves and then visit the holiest of all mosques in Islam.

At 10:00 in the morning we are ready. How does a groom feel on the wedding day? A deep desire that nothing goes wrong for this only ever event of his life. There are great blessings to be derived from the first ever sighting of the Kaaba and thus in every training program before embarking on the pilgrimage we were given detailed instructions on how to enter the mosque, how to look at Kaaba for the first time, which duas (prayers) to recite etc. I picked up the book where I had written down all these things and did one more revision. It was time to fulfill the cherished dream.

The Masjid-al-Haram (haram in Arabic means ‘sanctuary’ or ‘holy site’) covers an area of 356,000 sq meters and can accommodate around 900,000 worshippers at any given time. Currently it has 96 gates (expansion work is in progress.) At the centre of this mosque, in an open courtyard (called the ‘mataf’) is the Kaaba – the cuboid shaped structure which all Muslims – irrespective of their sects, creeds and other beliefs turn towards when offering namaaz. Built by Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) and his son Ismail (Ishmael) in 2130 BC and later consecrated by Prophet Muhammed in 630 AD the Kaaba is the most revered structure in Islam not just because of its religious and historical significance but also in its message of unifying all Muslims in the worship of a single God.

The risk in following process very diligently is that you can miss out on the feeling. We entered Masjid-al-Haram from Gate No 1. The process said that as you enter the mosque you should keep your eyes lowered in respect till you come to the center from where you can see the Kaaba. Then slowly you should raise your eyes reciting your most cherished prayers because it is ordained that whatever you wish from the moment you lay your eyes the Kaaba for the first time till the time you blink again will be fulfilled.

The huge mosque is half empty at that time in the morning. As we enter with our eyes lowered we do not know how far the centre is. After walking about 100 meters we look up with a natural curiosity, see the Kaaba partially then look down again quickly because we are still some distance away from the centre which we now see is to be approached through a flight of stairs leading down.

Have I messed up my first ever sighting of this holy structure? Have I missed this rare opportunity in my life to fulfill all my cherished wishes?

The fear almost leads to panic. We finally reach the stairs, take the few steps down and right in front of us, in all its silent splendor is the magnificent stone structure draped in a dark black cloth (called the kiswa) with verses from the Holy Quran inscribed in gold letterings near the top.

I try to remember my choicest wishes, all the prescribed duas which I had repeated so many times and learnt by rote, but in that moment of infinite reverence I can’t recall any of them. I just stand there inundated with a huge sense of gratitude, of unlimited thankfulness to the Almighty for having brought me here, for showing me what I was seeing.

And then the tears flow effortlessly and naturally. And you don’t pray for anything else except for forgiveness. Because you realize that there is nothing you have ever done in life, nothing you could have ever done in life that would have ‘earned’ you this great fortune of being at this place. That you are here not on your merit but because of the sheer benevolence of someone who has the great mercy to forgive you and grant you this ultimate privilege.

And despite the harsh afternoon sun on your uncovered head, despite the heat and the exhaustion you just sit there sobbing your heart in your open palms oblivious of anything around you.

There is no greater relief than crying to your heart’s content.

[Next week we will try to understand ‘how’ a cycle of gratitude and forgiveness can lead to purification and lightness of being]

40 Days with God – Getting Away from it all

Advancement in communications technology means one can always stay connected from anywhere. It also means one can never get away.

A pilgrimage is about getting away – getting away from family, work, everything worldly and spending time in communion with self and God.

It is vital to plan that. Almost all my time before embarking on the trip was spent trying to bring my work to a logical end and hand over, visit my children’s school, ensure provisions are stocked at home for the period, pay credit card bills for the month and next etc. anything that was likely to come up in the next 6 weeks. The idea was 0 phones from office during the trip and the odd weekly call with family.

When I sat at Mumbai airport waiting for the flight to Jeddah the predominant emotion was not of awe or excitement but fatigue and a sense of fear – fear of whether I had prepared enough. Because the one thing one didn’t want to come back with after undertaking a journey like this was regret; the regret of having not given it your best.

For a person entering Makkah with the intent of performing Haj (or Umrah) it is essential to get into a state of ihram (consecration) at the defined meeqat or boundary. The boundary when you are flying in from India comes before Jeddah i.e. you fly over it and hence one normally gets into the state of ihram at the airport itself.

It is critical to understand the significance and purpose of ihram because it is amongst the three compulsory conditions for Haj. Ihram is derived from the Arabic harama (to prohibit) and in English means consecration or sanctification for a special purpose or service, usually religious. Consecration has the same root as the word ‘sacred’ and literally means to get sacred, to dedicate oneself to the service of God.

Hence before entering the state of ihram a person has to take a bath, clip the nails and remove the hair from the armpit and pubes. Then the male needs to discard his clothes and adorn two sheets of plain white, unstitched clothing, one to be wrapped around the loins, another to be worn over the shoulder.  The purpose of this is twofold:

First is universal brotherhood. Our clothes form the last vestige of our social status. By discarding our clothes we also discard our social status and thus when every Haji presents himself in only these two pieces of unstitched white all appear equal with no distinction of caste, creed, nationality or social or financial status.

The second and more spiritual significance implies the giving up of the world. The white clothes resemble the shroud or the kafan, the clothes in which we will be wrapped after death. We have already left behind our family, our work and our properties and wealth to undertake this journey. By wearing the ihram we get into a state of ‘virtual death’ and this state of the mind makes it conducive to distance ourselves from worldly matters and look at life for the temporary endeavor that it is. This mindset helps in recalling our sins and seeking genuine forgiveness when we pray at Kaaba.

There are thus restrictions in a state of ihram; you are prohibited to kill animals including insects, pluck leaves, remove body hair or apply fragrance, engage in intimate dialogue with your spouse etc.

There are also two virtues which are essential not only in the state of ihram but during the entire trip for the Haj to be deemed acceptable by God; patience and service. You are thus not supposed to engage in arguments and wrangling, be tolerant of any hardships and provide assistance to your fellow travelers.

The ideals seem desirous and the heart longs to follow them, but you realize what a challenge it can be the moment you land at Jeddah airport; it is midnight (2:30 am IST,) you are exhausted and desperately longing for your hotel bed, but there are numerous procedures to clear. And there are thousands of pilgrims from all parts of the world, each with a different temperament – quite, obstinate, short-tempered, over-smart, and each as tired and desperate for sleep as you are.

And the young men at the counter are college students drafted especially for the Haj season who have to stay at the airport barracks and report for 16 hours of duty. They are generally courteous and respectful of the Haji, but need their breaks and have their frustrations with people who have never flown before and understand neither English nor Arabic.

In this conundrum of people, process and paucity lies the true test of your character; how tolerant are you of the officer who walks out for a break just when your turn came after half an hour of waiting? How willing are you to give up your seat for a family and wait for the next bus to Makkah?

And then you realize that in such circumstances, which will be often during the journey, it is only taqwa – the continuous consciousness of what is right – and mindfulness – an awareness of your own state of mind – that will help you stay in control of your emotions and guide you to act in the desired manner.

And you realize how 40 days of such deliberate consciousness can help you imbibe some of these principles for your life hereafter; of how a pilgrimage has the potential to transform if done as prescribed.

[Next week we will realize one of the most cherished objectives of our journey; to see the Kaaba right in front of our eyes.]